an afternoon at the park

the ayala triangle gardens is officially my new favorite park! 😀

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ayala triangle 02

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on holiday

it’s been three days since our supposedly relaxing 4-day beach holiday and I’m still recovering from exhaustion.

I’ve been looking forward to this trip with friends for months. I had visions of lying on white sand, of blue skies overhead, of catching up with friends. it would be roque’s first major out-of-town trip and I was excited to watch him discover and explore sand. I imagined him playing by the water, absorbed by the wonder of the waves, the sun gently turning his fair skin golden brown.

well, let me tell you, none of these things happened. none.

the resort we stayed at had a small strip of white sand right at its doorstep which appeared for a few hours each day during low tide, and it was all the sand I ever saw during those four days. you can bet I never once laid down on it.

other than traveling and staying in one house together, our friends and my family might as well have gone on two very different trips.

they went island hopping everyday and did all the things I looked forward to –clear skies, white sand, blue water.

alvin and I, on the other hand, stayed at the resort and made sure our 10-month-old took his naps and drank his milk, which sounds very responsible and commendable until you’re the one left behind while everyone else worked on their tan.

and nappies, we changed a lot of nappies.

so, no, it wasn’t the best holiday I’ve gone on, thank you for asking.

the little boy, on the other hand, seemed to have had a good time.

davao 01

multiple firsts: first plane ride, first bus ride, first roro trip. he handled the long travel from manila to samal island really well, especially considering we had to be at the airport at 230am for our 405am flight.

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the protests came when we picked him up to leave.

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he wasn’t lacking in attention and he knew it.

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he discovered stairs and doors. my back wasn’t amused at these discoveries.

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one plus one makes three!

captain hook’s red parrot inn. kaputian, samal island –

bahay ni tuding. davao city –

ten months later

it wasn’t love at first sight between me and my baby. there was no recognition of my voice when he first heard it, no orchestra played when he was placed on my chest moments after he was born, no overwhelming feeling of happiness enveloped me when I first saw him.

the very first words I said while staring at the very red baby sprawled on my chest was: what am I supposed to do with it?

we went through months of not liking each other and adjusting to each other’s moods. we screamed at each other and cried together until we became friends and learned to laugh together.

now, my son’s face lights up the moment he sees me arrive home and he gets so excited he couldn’t crawl into my arms fast enough. I watch him maneuver through the various toys littered across his path, face determined, his sturdy arms and legs impatiently going over and around until he reaches me and I, at last, can bury my face in his neck after a long day at work.

I miss him every minute he’s not with me and I would spend the whole day just watching him crawl back and forth if I could.

seeing him grow stronger and more independent everyday, my heart already selfishly starts to ache for the time when he would not need me as much.

today marks the tenth month that I am a parent, and whenever asked within that time how parenthood was, I would always say without hesitation that it was horrible, because it was. It is.  there is no way to sugarcoat it, nor do I want it sugarcoated.

life as you know it changes when you become a parent. things you take for granted, like peeing when you need to, suddenly becomes a treat. I’ve learned that being able to change perspectives at any given time is a very handy skill to have.

the relationship I enjoy with my son now is the result of months of frustration and hard work, not because of some intangible, unexplainable mother-son bond that advertising people are intent on selling.

sometimes we still don’t like each other, roque and I, but then I think about how far we’ve come from that first day we met, and I am convinced that it can only get better.

this is going to be an exciting journey.