Lessons I learn from my son

Roque, my four-year-old, has been extra clingy lately. He would insist on lambing time with Mama in the morning between his morning milk and bath time, and again at night between dinner and bedtime.

He was adamant as to where the lambing should take place: always upstairs in his room in the morning, and on the sofa downstairs at night.

Given that we also have a very demanding 9-month-old and no extra help at home, it’s difficult to indulge him every time even if I wanted to. I tried to introduce the idea that lambing can be present anywhere, regardless of what you were doing. This was met with resistance.

Last night, as I went up to put the baby to bed, Roque made me promise to come back down and lambing with him on the sofa after I had laid Cortez, the baby, in his crib. Super tired and sleepy myself, I absently agreed and promptly fell asleep, Cortez on the bed by my side. 

Tired of waiting, Roque soon came upstairs to get me. Thinking to get out of my promise (and really, a bit annoyed and not wanting to get up from the comfy bed), I tried persuading him to just lambing in bed with me, which caused him to start tearing up in frustration because ‘we had a deal, Mama! You said you were going to go back downstairs and lambing!’

Muttering and grumbling, I finally made it back to the sofa. Snuggled up to me, he softly said, ‘Mama, I want to tell you something.’

‘What is it?’

‘Diba when Cortez does something wrong, you don’t get mad at him. You comfort him right away…’ He trailed off and his earnest face dissolved into tears.

Roque is by nature a playful and energetic boy. He is almost always on the move — dancing, singing, running, jumping, laughing. Because of this, it is inevitable that days with him are filled with warnings being given and admonitions being yelled. And because of the baby, oftentimes the yelling becomes the priority and the hugs take a back seat. To him, it seemed that all Mama did was get mad at him but never at Cortez. 

My heart broke as I realized that this was the cause of his recent clinginess; my sweet boy was feeling sad and neglected.

I hugged him tightly and explained as well as I could the difference between how a baby understands things and how a bigger boy does. I squeezed him tight and assured him as well as I knew how that Mama and Dada love him so so so so so much and that he gives us so much joy.

He clung to me and cried and cried, and I marveled at how lucky I was to have a child like him, who continued to treat his baby brother with sweetness and kindness even as he felt unfairly treated.

We cuddled a bit more and stayed up later than we should have on a school night, but exhausted or not, I was determined that he got his fill of lambing. 

Every day, I realize more and more that I learn from my kids more than they could ever learn from me. In the four years that I have been his mother, Roque has taught me patience, kindness and empathy, among other things. He has forced me to pause and take a long, hard look at how I treat others, at how I view the world, at how I live the values I claim to espouse.

I’m convinced Cortez arrived to make sure I don’t get smug about the lessons his brother had taught me.



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