ten months later

it wasn’t love at first sight between me and my baby. there was no recognition of my voice when he first heard it, no orchestra played when he was placed on my chest moments after he was born, no overwhelming feeling of happiness enveloped me when I first saw him.

the very first words I said while staring at the very red baby sprawled on my chest was: what am I supposed to do with it?

we went through months of not liking each other and adjusting to each other’s moods. we screamed at each other and cried together until we became friends and learned to laugh together.

now, my son’s face lights up the moment he sees me arrive home and he gets so excited he couldn’t crawl into my arms fast enough. I watch him maneuver through the various toys littered across his path, face determined, his sturdy arms and legs impatiently going over and around until he reaches me and I, at last, can bury my face in his neck after a long day at work.

I miss him every minute he’s not with me and I would spend the whole day just watching him crawl back and forth if I could.

seeing him grow stronger and more independent everyday, my heart already selfishly starts to ache for the time when he would not need me as much.

today marks the tenth month that I am a parent, and whenever asked within that time how parenthood was, I would always say without hesitation that it was horrible, because it was. It is.  there is no way to sugarcoat it, nor do I want it sugarcoated.

life as you know it changes when you become a parent. things you take for granted, like peeing when you need to, suddenly becomes a treat. I’ve learned that being able to change perspectives at any given time is a very handy skill to have.

the relationship I enjoy with my son now is the result of months of frustration and hard work, not because of some intangible, unexplainable mother-son bond that advertising people are intent on selling.

sometimes we still don’t like each other, roque and I, but then I think about how far we’ve come from that first day we met, and I am convinced that it can only get better.

this is going to be an exciting journey.


2 Comments on “ten months later”

  1. Jing says:

    more, more babies = more, more love and fun!

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