baby talkPosted: February 23, 2012
alvin and i have been having the conversation more often than usual lately. the baby conversation, to be precise. snippets of it here and there while watching tv, walking, driving, flying: the when, the how (not *that* how, the how that comes *after*), and more importantly, the how much, which was generally where the conversation abruptly comes to an end.
i’m starting to tire of the endless round and round, of the compromises and uncertainties, of the waiting for signs. people keep telling me that there will never be a ‘right time’ and there are days when i do want to just be done with it; just take a deep courageous breath and go ahead and get pregnant and worry about everything else after, just have faith that it will all work out. after all, the universe’s track record has been really good so far. but wouldn’t that be an irresponsible thing to do?
but then what if we waited until we’re fairly sure we have enough to feed and clothe a human being and discovered it was already physically impossible by then? i really don’t need that whole fertility drugs and scheduled sex experience, thank you. i guess technically we can adopt (pro: it’s like rtw shopping, you can pick and choose!), but i know for a fact that alvin wants a child ‘of his own blood’. (i actually hear this sentiment more often from men than women. makes one think, huh?)
so we’re right back where we started. to add to the fun, babies and pregnant women have been popping up everywhere! bulging tummies and cute, little faces all over the place. i’ve seen them at the mrt and along grocery aisles, crossing streets and snacking on bread, appearing as if on cue.
tell me, do all couples go through this frustrating process? are we overthinking this?